Definitions according to FloridaBorne

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Why am I writing this rant? I’m tired of reading jokes about rednecks like… How many rednecks does it take to get dinner. 2 One has to watch for traffic. Do you know… Continue reading

Is the universe trying to tell me something?

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One person’s cute is another person’s stupid. Take, for example, the following picture: Do dogs think it’s cute to whine in your ear at 6 in the morning?  Do cats think it’s stupid… Continue reading

What’s That Slime?

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Have you ever awakened from a dream where you’re about to die only to find that your refrigerator is the one that died instead? How did I discover the problem? I lifted the… Continue reading

How I Got the Death By Chocolate Headache

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Don’t try this at home: Do it at work so you can look really, really stupid. How NOT to react to unexpected change: Meltdown Try to drown the problem in chocolate Imagine walking… Continue reading

The Long Awkward Pause after Declining a Twinkie

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The LAP has danced my direction, giving me the opportunity to step on the feet of jerky husbands everywhere. Why would I decline a Twinkie? Twinkie, Twinkie little bar Formaldehyde within a jar… Continue reading

3am wake up claw

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Yes, it’s that time of the morning when the kitty fur fills my nostrils as I pet a cat hell bent on clawing my neck into hamburger. I stumble down that treacherous path… Continue reading

The Dimension of Sight and Sound called Dream World.

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Ever wake up after having exactly the same dream of massive destruction–twice in a row–feeling like you’ve run a marathon? This morning between 5 and 9 that particular form of double jeopardy was… Continue reading

Snowed by a Plate

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In my teens and 20’s, people would remark on my incredible ability to say the worst possible thing at the worst possible time. I couldn’t refute the obvious, so my comment about it… Continue reading

Being Catty

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One day I’m going to sleep past 3am. Today’s wake up call is compliments of kitty claws kneading a very unhappy neck. He purrs so cute–an endearing quality best enjoyed while breathing. The… Continue reading

A new kind of “What?”

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  This is your brain on anxiety. Or Benedryl and Ibuprofen. Is there a difference? I woke up with that crazy, irrational, disturbing feeling–the one where Earth is in impending doom and you’re… Continue reading