Senseless Sunday #Sarcasm : #Cat affront

Dear inferior creatures,

If you don’t have the capacity to understand to whom I am referring, I’ll spell it out for you:

D O G S and H U M A N S

Below is a list of affronts to your superiors.  Obviously, you don’t have the capacity to understand who, exactly, I am referring to…  

…so I’ll spell it out for you:

C A T S

  1.  Never roll around in my grass. It is an insult of the highest order.  If you continue this behavior, I will be forced to roll in your dog food after the human has slathered me with flea powder.

2.  I don’t find it humorous to be slathered with flea powder while I am in the midst of eating tuna.  You will pay dearly for this, human!  I will poop on your chocolate cake when you’re not looking.

3.  Delusional human!  When I’m sitting in front of your feet, it is not “cute,” and it is an affront to be called a “guard cat.”  I’m doing it to protect the hands that open my food can.   Remember that, or the next time you’re ready to walk out the door wearing a new knit dress, I will create a few slits in it for you.

…and for the last, and worst of affronts

4.  I don’t care what you do with it once it’s out of my body, but don’t sniff my delicate derrière while I’m stretching!!!! My title is “Your Royal Highness,” not “Your Royal Hind @$$.” 

Dogs are an affront to cat civility, hygiene and the antithesis of dignity. Humans are a necessary evil. You will learn to respect me or face the consequences.

Sincerely stated with all the respect you deserve,

Other Brother Coon Cat