Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Bed Hogs
Fat White Dog (with a sigh): Mom is standing over us.
Rottie Mutt: So what?
FWD: She wants her bed back.
RM: Look cute and she’ll go away.
FWD: She has the camera monster. It’s about to hit us with the flash of pain.
RM: Then close your eyes, moosh them into the pillow and shut up.
FWD (foot on pillow): “Grrrr…arf!” (Mine! in dog language)
RM: She’s laughing at you.
FWD: Worse, she’s grabbing that stupid straw thing she uses to brush sand off the bed so she can sleep in it.
RM: Oh no!!!! Not the broom monster!
Human: You two have to move.
FWD: Grrrr..arf! arf! (Not in this lifetime! in dog language)
Human: Both of you!!! OUT!
RM (whimpering): Stupid dog! Now look what you did! I won’t go! I won’t!
Human: (marching into the kitchen…rustling the dog biscuit container…opening the dog biscuit container…throwing dog biscuits on the floor with a clunk)
FWD (running out the door with Rottie Mutt): Treats!
Human (closes the bedroom door, sweeps the pillow and the sheets, cracks the door open, and nestles into the bed).
FWD: Munch, munch, munch…
RM: She tricked us…again!
FWD: Use that battering ram you call a head and get us through the door.
RM: She’s hogging the pillow! Now what do we do?
FWD: Same thing we do every night, take over the rest of the bed.