What I’ve learned in life…over and over and over again

new-year

WE’RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

I don’t do new years resolutions.  I might keep them for  1, 5, 10…perhaps 20 years. It’s an exercise in futility.

That got me to thinking (I know. I shouldn’t even try)… 

What have I learned in the past 1000 years (it feels that long some days)?

  1. There are 3 truths in life:  If you’re born, you’ll die within the next 120 years.  No matter where you go, there you are.  And….(drum roll) No good deed goes unpunished.

  2. At some point in life, you’ll be the bad example a mother points to and says, “That’s what happens if you…(fill in the blank).”

  3. Never say, “I’ll never do that.”  As in…I was never going to get married or have children (5 times for the first, 2 times for the second).

  4. Listen to your sister when she says, “You’re going to marry that?”  and summarily tells you exactly why it’s not going to last (as in husbands #1,3, and 4).

  5. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.  Except for Amazon.com.  I think.  I’ll tell you after I’ve had the shopping card for a year.  

  6. The only people you can trust are dogs.  You know who they are, you know what they’re going to do, and they’re loyal for life.  

  7. The only way to trust a cat is to feed him the best food in the neighborhood.

  8. When it comes to 2-legged animals, you can trust (in this order), most bloggers and…ummm…my mind just went blank.

  9. As for death and taxes.  I covered the first in #1.  As for the second, taxes were manufactured by self-destructive humans destined to bomb as a species.

  10. Being a writer is like having a baby.  An embryo of thought begins to grow on the page.  Before it’s ready to come out, you send it to an editor who says, “this is going to hurt.”  Sure enough, it’s agony to watch your baby sliced, diced and reformed into a creature with potential. 

  11. But marketing?  It looks so overpriced, until you try to do it yourself. Marketing is like raising your child for the next 21 years; if it’s done right, it’s going to cost you an arm, a leg, your sanity, and your retirement fund.