Fun with pies ( or #cooking with #humor )

From memoriesofflorida.com

“It was the worst of pies, it was the best of pies…”

by Charreled Piekins.

Not really, but I couldn’t resist.

I love sweet potato pie, but I haven’t found a recipe yet that doesn’t make me gag from the sugar or cinnamon overload.

After 3 or 4 tries, I think I’m getting close to Joelle’s Optimal Sweet Potato Pie.

Now, if I could only remember EXACTLY how I did it.

First, I start with frozen pie crust.  Yes, I like the real thing better.  Unfortunately, every time I try to make it myself it’s like wrapping pie filling in leather.  Please, no crusty advice.  I’ve heard it,  tried it and…just as Ann Landers could never make jello, I’m a failure at making pie crust.

For all the adventurous cooks out there,  here’s what (I think) I did:

  1.  Take the Libby’s Famous Pumpkin Pie recipe and prepare to ruin it.
  2. Boil the peeled and cut potatoes in water to cover.  Add a tablespoon or 2 of butter.  I’d estimate that I used at least 4 giant-sized specimens.  Since I’m not sure, skip to #3.
  3. Substitute 33-34 oz of Sweet potato in place of the pumpkin and then throw in the remaining stick of butter.  Mix until the butter disappears.
  4. Substitute 3 large egg because 2 isn’t going to hold it together.  Multiply that by 2 because you’re going to have 2 3/4 pies when you pour it into the frozen pie shells.  Okay!  I should’ve said you’ll have to use 6 eggs from the very beginning!
  5. In the place of 3/4 cup sugar, you’ll need between 1 1/2 – 2 cups granulated sugar.
  6. Add 1/2 cup dark brown sugar.
  7. double the spices.  I like a nice, rounded teaspoon of cinnamon.

You’ll notice that the only thing that stays the same is, “One 12-oz can of evaporated milk.”  The river Jordan does NOT belong in a pie crust.

“How do you make your pies so smooth,”  A friend once asked.

Here’s my secret:  Pour filling into a blender to about 1/2 full.   Push the button and watch it mushify the contents.  Pour that into a clean bowl.  Repeat until all of the filling has been liquified and then mix it together with a spatula to make sure that the flavor will be even.  

Yes, it’s important to mix the hell out of it.  Believe me, you don’t want to bite into a piece of pie and find out the cinnamon refused to cooperate.

Bake it at 425F for 15 minutes and 350F until a toothpick comes out clean…er.   It’s never going to be absolutely clean.   I love my oven, but I think it inherited its compliance abilities from the cinnamon.

There you have it.  If you try my recipe, please let me know if anyone lived.