Today’s foray into #dreams
Today’s foray into dreamworld proves, beyond a sinister shadow of a doubt, that the universe does have a sick sense of humor.
What else can you say regarding the dreamworld version of a sit-com about stroke, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and kittens?
Okay…so it starts out with a kitten that has the common sense of a rock. He can’t seem to understand that cars are bigger and the road isn’t a good place for a nap.
Without any explanation as to why, I begin a frantic search for him.
I don’t find the kitten, I find 2 guys who look 20. One has full use of the right half of his body and drags his leg as he walks. The other one walks in short shuffles and he’s carrying a golf club.
At first, they talk amiably. Then, the one dragging his foot recognizes the shuffler in a moment of clarity.
“You ran over my kitten!” Foot dragger says. “Prepare to die!”
“Kitten?” The shuffler asks. “How did it die?”
Foot dragger extends his arms, his hands aimed toward the shuffler’s neck.
Do you remember watching old movies where the actress is on her death bed, has her hair perfectly coiffured and recites a poetic monologue for 10 minutes? Between the time she starts talking and the she time takes her last breath you’re screaming at the monitor, “Die, already!!!!”
That about sums up their fight.
The shuffler swings his golf club at the foot dragger, slow motion fists miss their targets. They enter a tunnel that looks like the inside of a music box, climbing over the gears. After the laborious feat of climbing over spindles, a light goes on inside the shuffler’s mind.
“I remember you!” He yells out to the foot dragger, who is close enough to feel the wrath of the shufflers golf club. “We were spies. We’ve been trying to kill each other for decades!”
If I continue describing the fight scene in this pitiful excuse for a dream, I run the risk of putting you to sleep.
I’ll fast forward to the end. The missing cat is standing in the middle of a busy parking lot, completely oblivious to the cars whizzing around him. I scream out to some Chinese guy in a Volkswagen beetle, “Stop!!!!! Stop!!!!”
He smiles at me like I’m the dumbest thing this side of a cheese sandwich and keeps driving.
At this point, I’m sobbing my brains out. I hear a meow, and the cat that wouldn’t die is looking up at me as if to say, “Why are you sad?”
So there I was, holding a kitten when the parking lot fades and an institution-style cafeteria forms around me. The foot dragger is sitting at a table drawing a symbol, wondering what it is. This is the closest I can come to what it looked like, but the background was green and it had a splotch of pink behind it:
The shuffler is staring at me. Neither of them remember the kitten, their altercation, or their names.
I’m beginning to miss being chased by dinosaurs.