Definitions according to FloridaBorne

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Up north, where you’re supposed to have small windows to cut down on the heating bills. But did I listen? No.
One of the few times I was without the snowsuit I wore from September to May.
When you live down south, you’re supposed to have huge windows, lots of trees,
and a ceiling fan to cut down on the A/C.
But do northerner’s listen? No.

Why am I writing this rant? I’m tired of reading jokes about rednecks like…

How many rednecks does it take to get dinner. 2

One has to watch for traffic.

Do you know what the joke is about people from up north?

How many New Yorkers does it take to make dinner? 2

Both go into a room, but only 1 comes out alive…and full.

Am I being judgmental and intolerant? It greatly depends upon which side of the definition you’re on.

You think I’m being hard on NYC?

  • The first time I was there was with my parents. They got lost in Harlem. It was 1965. 

  • The second time was on a trip with the chorus when I was in high school. I made the mistake of ordering grits. The waitress yelled out, “Grits? You want Grits? This is NYC! Damn rednecks!!!”

  • The third time I was there was with my second husband who, ironically, was born and raised in Brooklyn. I got to watch while 2 plain clothes policemen put handcuffs on him, shoved him into a police car and drove away. It was 1973, we had been married a week! His ex-wife had him arrested for moving to Florida with their 2 youngest kids the year before (both teens at the time). His “crime” was to get a divorce before she could take him for the house, the kids and leave him with $100 a month to live on.

Which brings me to the title of this blog entry: Definitions according to FloridaBorne

Definition of “judgmental and intolerant”: Passionate opinions persistently presented by people you don’t agree with.   For example: Your mother. (Just ask a teenager).

Definition of a redneck to someone from NYC: Anyone south of Virginia and Wisconsin, east of New Mexico, and who yells at you, “This is the United States of America. Speak English!!!!” 

No, a redneck doesn’t care how you do it up north. If you moved to the south, chances are good that you were trying to escape from crowded conditions, cold weather, and the plethora of morons on the road.

Definition of a moron to someone south of the Mason/Dixon line: Anyone who lives in NYC. You can fix “redneck.” You can’t fix “moron.”  Do you know which insurance company is the most popular in NYC? Geico. The same people who think it’s a great idea to regulate soda are the same ones who want to save moron car insurance.  (Yes, I know.  That was a really bad New Yorker joke but it certainly is funny!!!)

Definition of a numbnut:  A person who may have the capacity for intelligence but the brain stops if it has to include listening to people with more experience. (i.e. People trying to escape from one place who move to another place and proceed to try to make the new place as bad as the one they just escaped from).

For example: Where I live, 80F is bordering on cool. We have to laugh at the people who come from waaaay up north (or if you live in the southern hemisphere waaaay down south as in slightly north of Antarctica). There’s a reason we prefer houses that are built with large, airy windows and very few of the trees are cut down. We can always tell when someone moves here from “up north”. The first thing they do is cut down all the trees, then they build houses with small windows 4 feet away from their neighbor and complain how hot it is in Florida in the summer. It’s not like we didn’t try to warn them. If you visit Dizzy World in Orlando in December and think Florida is like that year round, you’re a numbnut. :-)

There. I feel so much better now.

4 thoughts on “Definitions according to FloridaBorne

    • Thank you bitter Ben. I bitterly look forward to your rant about terrible Tuesday, especially since I’m about to go out the door to get a tooth pulled. I suppose you could say that going through Tuesday is like pulling teeth, but then again….

    • Thanks! Yes, rednecks are everywhere. If I get 2 more teeth pulled…

      The term redneck started because farmers out in the sun all day would wear caps, but the back of their necks would be burned. It seems to me that disparaging the people who bring food to your table is the very definition of “He bites the hand that feeds him.” :-)

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